 | | |
| | |
|
Spaces home  岛中央PhotosProfileFriends |  Tools   |
|
February 16 新年开篇MSN空间越来越不好用，总是有很多毛病让我想写点什么的兴趣全无。
总的来说，07年是继06之后又很坎坷的一年，我的心理上不断承受着一波未平一波又起的打击。每次以为逃过一劫时，想着人生最惨不过如此，再惨能惨到哪里呢？紧接着就会有意想不到的又一起浩瀚风波！莫非上天真的如此眷顾我，要苦其心志之后再降其大任？又或者说上天要让所有人都公平些，要把以前给我的荣耀都拿回去，让我重新睁开双眼看清这平静之下的暗涌？如果正是如此，那它的目的真的达到了。不过也正如此，我也认识到自己的韧性，更加坚定了继续向着既定的目标的决心。
日子要继续，无论轻松抑或艰辛。毕业也有些日子了，正式开始找工也有一个月了。虽然每天都要花一个小时吊针，且要坚持吞下那些会让我眼花耳鸣作呕头昏的药丸，我还是坚持每天投上十分八份简历打上一两通电话。现在投出的简历也有两百了，面试却才两三回，每次都是双方条件得不到一致。我要对自己说“NEVER NEVER GIVE UP!"谁说过，既然选择了远方，就要乘风破浪。
08年，是坚持奋斗再接再厉的一年！ November 12 OperationI arrived at the hospital at 7:00 a.m.,receptionsist then help me have a few paper works done.By that time,I knew all the fees occurred for the operation in hospital today will be covered by my private health insurance,that's really good.Later on a nurse led me to my private room which were shared with another lady,and we have our own bathroom.The nurse did some basic body check for me,such as blood pressure,heartbeat,etc.I also odered my lunch and dinner from the hospital's menu.Untill 10:20 two staff came and transfer me to the operation room.Maybe I am too out of date to realise how advanced the bed I was lying is!It just like an automatic toy directed by a controller, and it even dose not need to be pushed by people themselves.
All the staff are very nice!The anaesthetist called Andrew even told me to do more gymnastic because he found that I was so slim.After the anaesthetic was given,I fell sleep immidiately...Then I woke up with a thrilling feeling which is explained as a feeling caused by the injected medicine using for waking up people.After 4 hours' inspection I went home.
I am gonna see the surgeon on Wednesday and may get the result by that time. November 09 Significant daysNext monday, the surgeon is gonna do the operation for me trying to get the lymph nodes out and check them out.
Thursday,Dr Green will come out the final diagnosis--normal disease or cancer.
A lot of people told me that I was born to be lucky,and I've never thought about that cancer would happen on me,especially at this age.
I don't believe!I will not believe.
November 08 Perhaps god granted me too muchAfter over two months observing,and i still feel uncomfortble or even worse, doctor Green decided to send me to do the CT scan.Today,he checked the CT films and relavant report, and then told me that I need do a biopsy now!I dont know what is exactly going on now. I think before he come out his final conculsion,he will not tell me how serious the situation it is.I am so upset!Eventually, I called him again afternoon about the possibility to be the Lymphoma. He said it would be 25%!Compared to the last time examination, this is quite a high possibility.
Anyway,I am gonna see the surgery Bob Miller who are referred by doctor Green tomorrow and let him explain more details for me and book me in his operation schedule.I will get my final result on Thursday next week!
It is really a challenge in my life,I dont know what I will face in one week, live or die,comedy or tragedy.Someone once told me that god granted me too much, and he feel envy.So it may be fair if I am frustrated like this.
September 24 hopeI had an appointment with Dr Green at 5:30 today, and I went there very early--nearly waited for 1.5 hrs. When I was in the waiting room, I can feel that my heart was beating so fast!I prayed several times,then I met the doctor.Dr Green is an associate professor and specialist in Haematology and Oncology, and he is so kind.After he checked my blood test result and did a quick body check,he told me that I might get the big lympho nodes from virus infection, and the possibilty to be lymphoma is quite low.I felt a bit release!However, he still advised me to observe for 2-3 weeks to see if the lympho nodes will become smaller,otherwise I do have to do the CT scan.Anyway, he is so experienced, and he can tell me that it seems more likely a virus infection other than more serious disease.I can take a deep breath now.
The next thing I should do is to do another blood test to check out what exact virus it could be,and wait for a few weeks until the size of the lympho nodes return to normal!
Thank goodness!It sounds a good news for me,and makes me feel more comfortable now. September 23 one more dayI am always a strong minded person, and have never belived god or superpower before.However, I can feel the existence of something which are outside my version.I may make a huge mistake, and all the following things happened to me seem to be against it.Eventually, I nearly fall down,bu luckly I am not given up yet.I can feel the power which are still keeping on draging me back these days.
I am so scared to the pain that I might suffer later these days. I am not afraid of death, but can not imagine how painful my parents and friends who love me so much will feel.I prefer to go somewhere alone and no one will realise my disappearance.I am glade to say"I am very good"to Mum when she ask me about my health;I am writing my feeling in English in order to avoid being discovered by her;I blocked my dear friends in China on MSN, so that no one can indirectly tell my parents what is happening.
I went to church with Uncle Lim today,the pastor prayed for me, and for my Mum as well. That's so grateful!
Tommorrow I am gonna see doctor Green,hope,hope,hope...
September 21 what happened to me before my 25 birthdayUncle Lim said "god granted us so beautiful lives!",he is always grateful for everything he has got.
Maybe he is right, maybe not.I even don know if I really have a future or my life will end soon.
Last week,I noticed there was a lump on my right side neck. After taking a ultra sound check and a x-ray check, doctor started suspecting it would be Lymphoma!What a sudden shock.
I dunt know what I should cry for.
I cant believe this misery comes to me by now.
Specialist will give the confirmation on Monday.
I pray...
May 11 《明明》最近有个新片，叫《明明》,看了情节简介，有点后现代，暂不提。
因此想到另一个四年前在读过的玄幻故事，也叫《明明》，答案寻思了很久，未果。现在搜到原来的文章，发现四年间虽然应者无数，但原作者的答案现在仍然是个迷。这里转一下文章，供大家无聊之用。
《明明》
一千年后，我们说着喜欢，说着爱，一千年前，我们说携老，说同穴。
——题记 第一天 李鱼把盘子高高的举在眉间，说：“相公，你吃了不该吃的东西。” 陈东说：“什么？”又说：“你来此有年，大可不必如此拘谨。” “士有百行，女唯四德。” 李鱼等着陈东吃完，收拾桌面的时候，轻声的说：“所以啊，你会看到不该 看到的东西。” 于时窗外五星连珠，杭州大火，明照天南。 大火烧了七天。 第二天 炼内丹需从冬至子时开始，一年后成一珠子，鸡蛋大小；九年后丹成圆形且 发光，可照亮一室；十八年后头发变黑，牙齿复生，寒暑不怕；八十一年后内脏 空旷，丹上升至脾，成黄芽铅丹；一百八十年后，丹上升到头顶，身生五色之气， 化为五彩云霞，于是腾空而起，白日飞升。 所谓内丹，就是以身体为鼎、炉，以内息为原料来炼丹。 陈东有个练丹的朋友，叫季胜，他住在终南山，上知天文，下知地理，三年 不见，来信一封，信中写道：“顺利的渡过黄河，我当见你。”他是个奇怪的人， 既热中于功名，又喜欢隐居。 他还写诗，“我有古时镜，赠君照初心。” 第三天 水流一如往日平静，只是，一千年之后再也不会有人见过这样平静的水面。 陈东忘记了一件事情，季胜的信中还说到，他见到一个秦代的宫女，项羽火烧阿 旁宫的时候，她被放了出来的，她终日不动，以松果为食，浑身长满绿色的毛发。 杭州的大火烧个不停，不知有多少人家妻离子散。陈东站在栏杆上，李鱼宽 慰他，说：“物理无穷，人寿有尽。相公不必太过伤感。”陈东摇了摇头，我在 想着一个梦。 梦里有个喝酒的地方，那里有人纵歌，有人跳舞。他在喝酒，旁边有个女人， 她告诉他，你是个男人，适合和你讲一个关于心房的故事——男人的心可以是无 数的个房间，每个房间端坐着一个女人：女人的心啊，是一个房间，只容的下一 个人，人去了，还要把门锁好久，只到确信那个人再不回来，才把门儿开开。开 开关关，好多年过去，就不会再有人来。 第四天 后来季胜手足卷曲，不能站立有十年之久。时人笔记记载季胜：其人诗语真 素，高情独诣。后从道者游于渭水，散发不归。 他匆匆而来又匆匆而去，陈东送他经过一座古庙，安国寺，陈东提议进去看 看，顺便在照壁上提首诗，他说不了。 他说：“你什么时候认识李鱼的？”又说：“真是个美人。”还说：“这样 的女人，哪怕做错什么都是可以原谅的。” 陈东笑了起来，自来才子多情，不足为怪。 第五天 上午。李鱼提着八宝盒出去。说，我去庙里上香，庙里有好多的孤儿，真是 可怜。 中午，李鱼提着八宝盒回来，说，山下开了一间小店，店老板好象是个女的， 叫明明。那里的东西真难吃。又说，圣旨下来了，皇上要有司开仓放赈。 晚上。 李鱼说，那是我的母亲，你记得千万不要接受她给你吃的东西。“ 陈东握住李鱼的手，你怎么从没告诉我，你有一位母亲。 可是，陈东的回忆告诉自己，去年，安国寺的门口，李鱼头缠白醭，坐于道 旁草席之上，身边四个大字，“卖身葬母。” 李鱼勉强笑了一笑，一手轻轻的拭去陈东额头上的汗水，一手移烛相照，说 ：“你还记得啊，相公，你又做梦了。” 第六天 无事。临贴。 第七天 陈东到山上打猎，一只狐狸扔下到口的蛇。 在山下的小店，店老板是个三十多岁的女子，告诉他：“蛇胆可以明目，只 是很苦。” 晚上，那位女子侍奉陈东睡下，半夜醒来的时候，那位妇女光着身子躺在他 的身边。那位女子告诉他，你喝醉了。 陈东望了望窗外，没有星星，没有大火。这是个没有李鱼的地方。 《旅行常见问题集》 陈东问——我记得上山的时候没有这家酒店。 你叫什么名字？ 你一个人？ 你走的是另一条路明明。 和我的女婿在这间店里。 明明问陈东：好吃吗？ 看到什么？ 你醒一醒？ （完） （１）陈东吃了什么不该吃的东西？ （易） （２）陈东看到了什么不该看到的东西？ （易） （３）五星连珠意味着什么？ （难） （４）季胜为什么在信中说“我当见你” （中） （难） May 03 从章小蕙看规矩首先原谅一下自己在理当紧张的复习时间写下的无聊感想。总是会突然有很多想法，却总抓不住。。。 章小蕙，一个名声在外，被人们所极爱或极恶，让男人抑制不住奇幻，女人不得不高声讨伐的妖艳女子。 只是在很早前无意中看到此人的花边新闻，诸如购物成癖，和某某富商出游等，成篇的八卦杂志中夹杂的短短几行，不知为何，即使此类人物在灯红酒绿的演艺圈或上流社会比比皆是，我仍然第一感觉到她的不同，或许是笔者文字中的褒贬不定，或许是自己可望而不可及的且不同其他女星的惊艳气质下的女人味，又或许是虽然其虚荣的又看似恶俗行为却成串出与众不同的乖张，了解不多，却印象深刻。 后来又传来她老公阿B破产的消息。。。心中只是微微一动。 再次接近此人，是她出演了“桃色”中一角，情节已经完全模糊了，似乎是关于同性，变性，等畸形关系。只记得，虽然身为女生的自己也时刻移不开放在她身体上的视线，那种妖艳，精致而有质感，那叫真风流；而被人们一度关注的并被成为性感尤物的韩国变性人河莉秀被相比下，被暴露出粗糙，俗气，做作得可以。 再后来，是亦舒有关她的描写，合乎了心中的某种抽象的总结。被拟烂玫瑰，女人厌恶她，嫉妒她是有道理的。她拥有了很多人都没有拥有的东西—美貌，才气，胆量，和我行我素。欣赏她文字中透露的性感，欣赏她单单挂起盏古董灯就开始红火的做起了独特风格的服装买卖，欣赏她身负亿万债务而继续活得精彩。很多男人都被比下去了！ 四十岁的老半徐娘，不是拥有超人的豁达心胸是无法达到如此风韵的；比如台湾那位申称第一美人的萧某某在个林小姐的刺激下，一下就老成了妖婆；钱罐中养大的女子，无非是受不了穷；有多少富家女不是烧钱如烧纸的？可有多少是有大脑，不跟风落俗有自己见地的？也无非是借了男人享受了自己；女人，在这个男性主导的社会里，已经不去跟男人争做强人了，为什么不可以靠靠男人？男人不也正既享受了美人又因此体会了自我优越感？败了两个男人就叫“臭名远扬”，呵呵，男人把自己也看得太清纯了，自己又败了多少女人呢？姑且不做计较吧，大家也只是愿打愿挨的，承受不了，走开就是，自己的失败，归咎于过去的女人，不要成为怨男，保持点最后的风度好不好？ 不是在为谁平反，更不是在伸张女权主义，只是为人们不平等的态度感到不可思议。联想起曾经看过的又一部电影—西西里美丽的传说，莫莉卡，只是美到极致而已，其实只是个纯粹的女人而已，难道要所有脱离已存在的社会框架的别致最终沦为平庸才能被大众认可接受？她们和很多女人一样靠了男人，不同的只是她们多了份大家不敢做也做不来的对一些常规的挣扎。 呵呵，不能说赞同她们的一切不羁行为，但当她们的出格刺激到平庸人们的敏感神经时，感到确实畅快！ April 30 为了更新而更新想报告一下近况，但确实也没啥新鲜事，不是昏天黑地的赶作业，就是跟一帮XDJM们四处瞎吃瞎喝，一个礼拜接一个礼拜。眼看着SPACE上的BLOG都可改名为“转帖空间”了，难怪被某些同志b4了，那就废话一下吧！今天Alan生日，大餐已在数日前噌过了，这里再祝一下;下个礼拜的今日是financial的期中考，小提醒一下自己；这段日子熟识了几个新JMs，高兴，抱抱！好了，接下来是期末考试大作战，加油。
话不多说了，发个照片flash,增加点技术含量，hohoho
April 16 男人+女人=两头猪的论证过程因为：人=吃饭+睡觉+上班+玩
|
Print
